


Artificial pains

by the_captains_platonic_masquerade



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: And Loki is an emotional god, M/M, More about Loki dealing with his grief, Tony dies!, so everything is done on a grand scale, this is less about Tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-10-20 12:22:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10662504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_captains_platonic_masquerade/pseuds/the_captains_platonic_masquerade
Summary: "How terrible it is to love something that death can touch" They knew Tony was going to die too soon for Loki but when it happens unexpectedly much earlier then he thought the god is left shattered. Though just because Tony is dead doesn't mean he is actually gone but does seeing his face and hearing his voice make this easier on Loki or that much harder.





	1. Grief

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't kidding, Tony Stark does die in this so be aware of that. For the full experience I had while righting this, be PMS-ing and listening to 'To Build a Home' by The Cinematic Orchestra.

Frigga had been gifted with foresight but could never warn others about the visions she saw, Loki had thought on whether or not this ability would have been a more a blessing or a true curse, even after that day, he still debated whether he could have ever been prepared for it.

“You are not leaving this bed.”  
Loki’s eyes were closed but he could feel the warm body as it moved in his arms but turned over to face him before it stilled, he held the body tighter which brought a laugh ringing around the room. It was too early for him to care for any outside distractions and he wasn’t about to let them get to his lover either. They were touching, Skin against skin, forms hidden under covers which held the heat of their shared bodies. It must have been too enticing for his lover as well as he didn’t continue trying to escape his hold.  
“Lazy prince.”  
“What of it? We have nowhere to be.”  
The trickster opened his eyes and took in the sight before him, Tony, so handsome even as he grayed in dustings through his hair, skin glowing now in the soft morning light. He was smiling and it was all Loki could do but to kiss those soft lips. They were pressed flush against each other in a tangle of limbs, smiles, laughter, more kisses. It had taken a lot to get here but they had found a home within each other and it had been that way for many years now. When they first were together it was chaotic, which had still been fine for Loki, they shared battles as much as they did their beds, an exciting rush of stolen moments between Tony’s work as Stark and then as Iron man as well as being on a completely different sleep schedule but in recent year times had slowed and they were allowed more lingering moments like this. The trickster could take his time, hands exploring the familiar body, soft skin, firm muscle, holding him closer as they moved together in tandem, bodies knowing the rhythms of the others.  
“Oh… well I can feel that someone is awake now.”  
There was a sly chuckle in his voice as Tony crawled on top of the god, straddling on his hips and looking the very picture of royalty on a throne himself. Loki purred under him taking one of Tony’s hands and pressing his lips over his wrist.  
“Why don’t I just-“

“Sir!”

There was a dual sigh from both parties, Loki gave the man a flat look to get him to just ignore it, he would have done anything now to have convinced Tony to just mute the AI and stay in the warm bed with him.  
“Yes Friday?”  
“Oh you traitorous wretch. You have a warrior in your name yet you still cannot let it lie.”  
Loki bemoaned as Tony crawled off of him chuckling and giving Loki’s thigh a pat. The trickster himself shook his head and gave the human a kiss to his temple before he rose, taking Tony’s robe even as it hung much too short on him and went to the kitchen, leaving the man and the AI to talk about what ever crisis needed his retired hero’s attention. 

Two cups of coffee were ready on the counter when Tony dashed to the kitchen, Loki knew that look on his face and sighed.  
“If you don’t let her use her wings she will never learn to fly on her own. You would think having your voice in her head would be meddling enough.”  
The human downed his coffee as Loki spoke, no doubt almost scalding himself.  
“It’s just a milk run, we just need more numbers, new guy in town. I’ll be back before you know it.”  
“Well we do have some unfinished business so be sure you are swift in your heroism.”  
Tony dashed off but didn’t make it out of the room before he turned back and Loki held open his arms to hold him within them, this was soft and slow and perfect in every way.  
“Like I said milk run, be back soon, love you.”  
Loki rolled his eyes and gave the man a push to send him off.  
“Like I said, don’t keep me waiting.”  
The man was almost out of the room when Loki did call back.  
“I love you as well, Anthony.”  
Tony shot back a grin and then he was gone. 

 

The two coffee cups stayed on the bench top.  
There is something about the sense of security of having your lover wrapped in armour, he has been hurt and broken in places but the suit always took the brunt of the damage. Loki never thought twice about his lover’s safety when he was out in the field, held in a protective shell and hardly fought alone, he was confident in his abilities, he didn’t even follow him into most fights he went to. Tony would have been annoyed if he hovered anyway so Loki didn’t see them as his fights to join.  
Time passed. Loki ate, made a note of the few things the AI would need to order for the pantry, showered, dressed in simple clothes and eventually returned to their bed, keeping it warm as he read through his book. He hated waiting but out of impatience more so than fear for his love. He always assumed if something were to ever happen he would feel it, somehow would just know something went wrong. So he was genuinely surprised and confused when the elevator chimed and when he rushed over found only RiRi.

“Lady Williams.” Loki nodded in greeting, Tony wasn’t behind her when he looked, nor on the landing pad outside as he checked there as well, that was when the off feeling began not any time before. He looked back at the girl, she had a brave face but it was clear to see that she had been crying.  
“Where’s Tony?”  
He asked firmly, taking a step towards her, everything was going quiet and numb within him, he could just be hurt, he said that to himself in his mind over and over until she opened her mouth and in shaky voice told him as she stood her ground in front of him.

Loki could not even process what she was saying, he remembers nothing but a violent and sad splatter of words from her lips.  
“taken by surprise… he was focused on saving them… accident… they are alive because of him… hero… broken neck… died on impact… didn’t suffer… nothing we could do… gone… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”  
The rest was just white noise, static in his mind, he wasn’t even looking at her but completely through her. He only noticed her again when his name processed, she was calling it over and over again.  
“Leave.”  
he hissed out which started her for a moment but she still held her ground, trying to be loyal to a man who was no longer among them.  
“No, Loki talk to me… are you going to be okay? Is there anyone I could call for you?”  
she looked like she was trying so hard to be strong for him and all his mind could think of was how pitiful it was, the whole situation was pitiful.  
“No, now leave.”  
he snapped again, loud and vicious she flinched he couldn’t think of why she would still try so hard, sentiment, they saw each other only through Tony.  
“Loki I’m sorry-“  
“You should be.”  
He slipped into being cold and cruel and didn’t care when he saw the dread fall over her face, like it injured her more than the bruises she held could ever make her feel. Her hand trembled as he placed a small grey rectangular box onto the coffee table.  
“He told me to give this to you if… if anything happened to him, don’t… don’t be alone through this.”  
She walked back and Loki stood in the silence of the room now, complete alone and now it seemed smothering, walls pressing in. Friday went to speak  
“The connection had been cut off from the suit, I didn’t want to worry you until we knew for sure, a medical report is be-“  
“mute.”  
he commanded and the AI listened, he should have commanded that in the morning, he should have held tighter. Loki returned to the kitchen and stood completely still, arms held behind his back. His lover’s mortality had always been an issue that they never mentioned, he knew time was preciously limited but not this limited. They had all these plans left hanging and unfulfilled. Tony wanted to show him the rest of this world and everything it had to offer, he had no reason to care now.

Tony’s face, smiling as he lay on the white sheets with the sun bathing over his skin, the touch of his fingers, the touch of lips.  
“Lazy prince.”  
“I love you.”  
“Be back soon.”  
He was never coming back and it ripped through his chest, he glanced into the kitchen, the two cups were waiting there.  
“Like I said milk run, be back soon, love you.”  
Soft press of lips, the warm body against his like every morning for many years, for such a pitifully few years.  
“I love you as well, Anthony.”  
Tony shot back a grin and then he was gone.

The scream that came from Loki’s throat hurt from the force of it, he fell to his knees which cracked the tiles under them, there was a blast of magic around him from all the anger and sorrow building up within him needing release. Everything around him warped, cracked and shattered. The mugs left on the counter in pieces all over the kitchen. His vision blurred as tears welled up and dropped, sinking into the cracks of the tiles.  
Tony’s smile, only for him, holding his body tighter, so warm under the covers, limbs tanged, scents mixed from years of sharing such proximity.  
Loki was still screaming, it hurt. He stayed like that, his magic burst out again, this was no longer his home he held no care for what was being destroyed. All the glass shattered, the tiles under him became a crater.  
Hungry first kiss, tentative fifth kiss, laugher, arms which held so little force wrapped around his body, whispered secrets, entwined fingers, so many promises, so many sweet nothings.  
Gone.  
Loki found himself on his side, laying there, exhausted, he didn’t know how much time he had allowed himself to be trapped in his mind, wind stirred his hair from the broken windows. A voice shattered the tense quiet of the room.

“Hey Shakespeare… where are you?”  
Loki scrambled up, voice broken and faded as he called out  
“Tony!”  
Loki looked around but saw nothing. He took a few tentative steps eyes wide as he searched for the source of the voice.  
“Hey, princess, I was waiting for you to notice me, is that the kind of impression I give?”  
He returned to the foyer type areas around the elevator and his heart broke apart all over as he looked at Tony’s face, a soft smile, so close to his real one but glowing blue in suspended particles of light. The box RiRi had left projecting an image of his lover, so real yet not.  
“Loki, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”  
The trickster took a few steps closer his hand reaching out, he didn’t know what else he expected than his fingers going through the projection of his cheek.  
“You said you would be back.”  
voice still petulant even as it broke  
“I’m sorry I wanted to be but I guess this was the best I could do, I didn’t want you being alone.  
Anger was gone from the trickster but it left pure sorrow in his wake, fingers curling into the air, just trying to touch the figure of Tony but there was nothing but air.


	2. Denial and Isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has to say goodbye to Tony but he didn't stop with just him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: this does contain a sad scene in a hospital morgue, just fair warning.

Loki had no sense of time, how long he had been crying as he knelt at the coffee table, clutching at the robe he had taken from Tony this morning. The projection of Tony’s personal AI appeared to be crouching on the table, whispering softly, the image of Tony’s face distraught as it tried to comfort Loki but no hollow words could help him now, Loki’s hands bled as his nails curled into them, he couldn’t touch Tony.

Loki didn’t hear footsteps coming behind him even though they crunched at the ruined fragments of items destroyed around the rooms. It wasn’t until the continued rumble of the AI Tony changed and the sharp gasp of another voice sounded that he realised he wasn’t alone.  
“Hey, Pep, you hanging in there? Thanks for coming for him.” Tony voice soft and encouraging through the speakers.

Loki hadn’t gotten along with many people outside of Tony but his relationship with Pepper was born out of mutual care and concern for the inventor and then had transformed into one of getting away from the concern and having some fun at his expense instead. They got along well enough after her initial hesitation at him returning for redemption. A gentle hand smoothed over his head, he hated that he needed the comfort and that he couldn’t turn it away like he truly wanted to. Eventually he looked back and sighed before standing up.  
“They’re waiting for us at the hospital, I thought you should be the first to say…”  
she seemed to choke up on her words, not being able to admit them.  
“-to see Tony.” She finished instead but he knew what he was going to say, he would need to say goodbye to him truly and gain closure.

The projection faded and the box closed up again, Loki was going to walk out leaving it there but he doubled back and took the box into his hand before he followed her. He didn’t want leave the destroyed remains of their shared floor, leaving that place means he was accepting this reality but he held his chin up and pulled all his strength to himself, it was his duty, he had to.

 

The world outside continued like it always did, they didn’t know yet and Loki despised them for their ignorance, how they didn’t feel the loss that he did. No one spoke as they continued through the streets he couldn’t tell if the sound from the outside world was muffled from the car doors or just his lack of care to hear it. As they neared the hospital a delicate hand curled into his own, he didn’t pull away from it until they had to exit the car.

 

As they walked through the hospital hallways his heart was beating faster in his chest, for a moment he wanted to turn back but he had heard stories of family members going mad when bodies of loved ones had not been seen after they had fallen in battle, either nothing was left or they had no time to see them before they were sent off in their boat to the other world, the madness came from refusal to believe they had died and that they could somehow find them lost on a battle field. That alternative sounded tempting when they reached the door, he paused, he didn’t want to see the man like this, he could deny and look for the shine of his armour in every battle field instead. But the delicate hand returned and touched his arm, meant for comfort but also reminded that there was no running from this. He wasn’t the only one who lost Tony today. Shrugging off Pepper’s comforting hold the trickster entered the room,

alone, they would give him that as Tony’s known lover. The room was sparse so the metal table with the white sheet seemed to take up so much more space as he shone under the hard white. The outline of a body was below it, with an unsteady hand Loki pulled the sheet away

_“Good morning, snowflake.” Tony chuckled, giving a lazy yawn and scratching over his stomach “What do I need to bribe you with to get me breakfast in bed.” He smirked._

 

It didn’t look like him, to cold, to still, the flesh around his neck was so off coloured but you could still see a mark which Loki had make from the night before. He touched his hand and it felt like ice, Tony had pointed it out a few times, how Loki never really felt the cold but he felt it this time. It was an impersonal cold like concrete that never saw the sun, it just showed the great absence of life like it had never touched him, like this morning Tony with all his energy just never happened. Loki put the box of the floor and the image came up, at this moment this holographic Tony looked closer to the real him than the body on the table did.

 “Well this is what it’s like to have an out-of-body experience.”  
The AI Tony said which brought a choked sound from the trickster, somewhere between a sob and a huffed laugh.

“I don’t think I can do this.” Loki whispered, he sat on the edge of the table and cupped the body’s cheek in his hand.  
“We had found happiness, I loved you so much, we had so much left to do.”  
“You can still do them, I wanted you –I want- you to be happy, I know all the places I planned to take you to, you still have the team and the tower… you have me, Tony’s mind in a sleek and portable form.”

The projection tried to smile Loki’s way but it did nothing. Loki lay on the table, curling to lay along Tony’s side and closed his eyes, wishing the body to move and for the voice to becoming from him instead.  
“We knew this might happen, you can move on, you’ll be okay, I just want you to be happy, Loki, I love you so much.”  
“If you did how could you ask that of me, how could you leave me.”

The demigod curled his fingers into the sheet pooling around the body’s abdomen, if Tony really loved him he would move from this blasted table. Loki kneeled up over the body, pressing his hands to his chest and gathering up what magic he had.  
“Loki… Loki what are you doing?”  
He ignored the voice and poured all his magic into the body, he could save him, he could do something, force the heart to beat and his broken little mortal to wake again.  
“I can’t, I need him, I need his touch, his warm, I need to argue over which stupid movies he always wants to show me, and what foods to order, I was alone for so long I don’t want to be alone again.”  
He wasn’t a healer, it wasn’t the nature of his magic but he tried, he poured his all into it and ignored the pounding in his head and when his nose started bleeding.  
“Loki stop! Loki you’re so amazing and brilliant but you can’t raise the dead, Loki you’re hurting yourself!”  
“I don’t care!”  
The colours of his broken neck faded but the chest under his hands refused to move, Loki kept trying.  
“Thunder thighs I see you on the cameras gonna need your help.”  
The voice was coming over the speakers and he hated it, it sounded like him but it wasn’t it was a lie and he hated it.  
“Brother stop!”  
  
Loki was pulled off of the body and he kicked and screamed and hit his head back but arms just held him fast, he continued to lash out but his limbs were so tired from the drain to his magic that soon he just slumped back against Thor’s chest.

He watched the body, still as it had been when he entered the room, he couldn’t rewind the time and get back what he lost and yet he had cried so much this morning that he couldn’t continue to shed tears now.  
  
Thor’s voice rough and pained behind him, he to in mourning for his shield mate, friend and almost family. His broken nose from Loki’s struggling hadn’t helped either.

“I’m sorry, Loki.”  
“Everyone is sorry.”

Loki replied, voice now dull and cold.

 

It took over an hour of arguing with Pepper and the hospital staff but the funeral rites were handed over to him and he was going to do this properly, he had missed it for his mother but he would honour Tony completely. 

Red suit, golden tie, the last time Loki saw Tony’s real body he lay along flowers and little mechanical pieces of the projects he could now never finish. The gauntlets of his iron man suit rested with him, Loki loathed to look at them but Pepper insisted Tony would like it then and the AI backed her up so they would stay. Loki literally couldn’t bring himself to argue with the ghost of his lover.

No delaying this, soon the boat was pushed from the shores, Loki had wanted to light the boat as well but his hands shook too much and when Clint lit his own arrow Loki let him. All those gathered on the beach wept and looking on with those sad eyes, kind words were offered to him but he snapped back at them, it just made him feel weaker, that all his control had just slipped away again.  
  
Rhodey stands by him and doesn’t say a word, Loki doesn’t say anything to him, they just watch as the flames rose off in the distance. It’s hours later and when half the people are gone they do utter a word.  
“I think he would have liked to go out in a blaze of glory, I hate him for it but…style to the end.” Rhodey nodded, eyes not leaving the lightening sky.  
“He died in battle, still sacrificing himself for this world like a fool.” He hissed but Rhodey didn’t miss a beat.  
“I’m going to miss him too… least he is somewhere better now. That’s what they say anyway.”  
“I… I made sure he was honored like a true warrior so he would be granted entrance into Valhalla. I may see him there.” He spoke softly and soon a warm hand pressed to his shoulder.  
“Not any time soon.” He said firmly. “You know… I mean, I could stay in the tower with you for a while, I’m going to have to make sure none of inventions get ‘misplaced’ so I might as well keep you company while I’m at it.”  
“You may do whatever you please.”

 

Loki did leave for the tower alone as the sun started rising, he tried not to obsess over any clock but it was fast approaching the time Loki had woken up with his love safe and warm against him. Even though he was exhausted he just looked at the bed and couldn’t bring himself to touch it again.

He returned to the couch and fell back against it, he looked at the device in his hand and wondered just what to do now.  
“I found peace in this world and you ruined it for me, Stark.” He spoke aloud without really meaning to.  
“I know it’s serious when he calls me, Stark.” Came a reply, so smooth with all the right inflections, it would be a great testament to his work if Loki could continue to resist throwing it to break against a wall. The device opened and the image was now a smaller one, Tony that could fit in the palms of his hands.  
  
“You need some rest, you get grumpier the more you stay up, I know it’s going to be hard but everyone here will be there for you and please let your brother help, I can’t stand to see the big guy cry.”  
The AI continued, rocking on his heels like the man would sometimes do.  
“Might want to vacuum or something, but hey I’m sure DUM-E will-“  
“No.”  
Loki said firmly, the AI of Tony looked up in confusion.  
“You are dead… this world, all your friends… they’re dead to me too.”  
“Hey no, Loki, don’t do this, please don’t do this-”  
But the trickster closed the machine forcefully in his hands to make the voice and the image of his love stop. He didn’t bother taking anything from his home –the tower, it was just the tower now- he just walked to the windows and looked out over the city, new covering of Ironman being no more would start soon and the city would go into morning, but he would be gone by then, gone before Pepper and Rhodey came up to see the empty room.

Loki disappeared and had no plans to return to Earth again.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you Starkly for beta-ing this in the wee hours of the morning


	3. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki moves to the next stage of grief and he moves into it well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah its been a long while, sorry, I had exams for uni and then i just didn't feel that mind set for this fic or a while but I'm not going to abandon it yet!

Loki tucked the AI device away, just there in his coat pocket as he travels, realm jumping, planet jumping, just forever moving, rarely sleeping, he just can’t stay still. Every place he goes to is left with his touch, falling back into bad habits he needs to prove he is above it all, he is a god, capable of much more than what he has been reduced to. His finger prints on towns are those of destruction, of fire, of fallen heroes, of exposing frauds and creating new ones. It is easy, it always had been for him, he can tell a damn good story and all those would believe it. So, this is his story.

 

The AI device is always with him but he doesn’t look at it, doesn’t pull it out, it is just there as a weight in his pocket, sometimes he forgets about it, but its size and weight are hard to ignore. It pulls him back and it is always vicious, he had dealt with death before he doesn’t know why it’s still affecting him this way but it does and each time and its burning him. He used to trick and punish those who ‘needed’ it, the proud and the mighty who needed to be taken down a peg, though who are un fair unjust which made it that much more fun when they ended up where they sent people but when he feels that weight, holding all that he has lost Loki’s reasons for punishment get weaker while his wrath gets stronger.

Loki sat at a tavern, it was smoky and humid in summer night, the place was only lit by flames of torches which sparked and stayed lit unending from the magic dust they grew from.  he watched people while shrouded in a dark cloak, his features shifted to that of an older man as he downed drink after drink. The loud bustle of all the other patrons was annoying but familiar to him as was their constant movement and joyous drunken songs. He didn’t know this place well and they wouldn’t know of him, the world just moved and continued on without pause.

 

He was a foolish man, large clumsy and drunk, he was walking passed where Loki sat, weather he slipped on some thing or was just that drunk the man stumbled into Loki which brought him a hiss of insults from Loki, cursing him and his intelligence. The rest of the patrons around them cheered and laughed at the man which had the stranger flushed and sheepish but was still grinning from his level of intoxication. He placed his hands on the chair to pull himself back up and it was small but it was loud enough they both of them heard it and looked back at each other at the same time.

 

**Crack**

 

And that as it. Loki roared and tossed off the cloak as well as his disguise “You damned oaf what did you do?” The man back off, stumbling over apologies and trying to process what was happening but Loki didn’t wait and soon his hand was at the man’s throat, he was probably triple Loki’s width with his weight but the trickster held him up off the ground with ease as he strangled him mercilessly. There was a paused in the bar around him where it took everyone’s attention that this wasn’t a friendly brawl, Loki was going to kill him. Then they pounced. Hands grabbed to pull Loki back and get the man free and he was dropped to ground and it was only a few seconds that passed before Loki’s fist connected with the stranger behind him who dared touch him. He snapped and suddenly the whole tavern earned his scorn and he fought them all back. All around him, each man either wanting to try their luck at fighting him or even just pleading for him to stop, he struck them fists, and kicks and nail and teeth he lashed out at any one who even grew close. Bodies went through tables, columns where broken, torches spilled over the floor lighting up puddles of spilt drinks. Through it all he saw the man who started this, he was crawling, hands and knees and heading towards the door, with a swirling gesture of his hands the fire rose up in streams shaped as dragons and forces the men surrounding him away, before he directed them towards that one man blasting him out of the tavern before Loki followed after him, stomping down a war path as the singed man back up on the ground, shuffling in the dirt of the street.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please stop this, I don’t know what I did… what do you want? Please!”  


Loki was tired of all the sorrys now, they did nothing, they meant nothing. Loki materialized and pulled out from his inner coat his spear holding it up high and readying it for the man’s chest.

 

“I want more than that.” He hissed and was about to lunge fourth when a scream broke through the air which had him pause. 

 

“No!”  


It was a woman’s scream and he looked up to see a small petite thing, red hair, old dress, completely unassuming but she rushed over in front of them, small kitchen’s knife in her hand pointed at Loki, shaking in her grip.  
  
Loki laughed at her, laughed loud and manic but she rushed forward, crouching on the ground trying to pull the much larger man away, knife pointed up at him still.  
  
“Y-you can’t take him, monster.”  


 He stopped then and watched her, she struggled and tears were welling at her eyes, it was obvious now that she was his wife, no one else was going to help the man but she did and he was still warning her away. He looked back at the tavern, all singing and laugher stopped as it smoked as the fire inside grew, inured helping injured escape the building before it would become engulfed. He did what he hadn’t done in a long time and actually reached into his pocket, feeling the cold metal box and now a jagged crack which ran along its side. It didn’t even feel like a big crack.

 

He made his spear fade away and took a few purposeful steps towards the lady, she was breathing harder and her hands turned white with her grip on her husband, he raised his hand and watched as she flinched back before simply slapped the blade from her hand. She flinched but then looked up in frightful confusion.

 

“I…I’m so…”

 

there was a crowd around him watching intently, but no noise could be heard above the crackling of the rising flames behind him. Loki suddenly felt so tired, his anger died and he felt the ache of his limbs and forming bruises, the sting of cuts and irritation of his knuckles which were reddened and raw. He was done.  
  
“His life is yours.” He told the woman and he walked away, walked until he was out for sight and then ran. Even though he was exhausted he shifted into a wolf and ran even faster, leaving behind this little town, nameless in his mind and just a smoke chimney on the horizon.

 

Loki ended up in a cave and really, he had stayed in worse places in his long life, it was dry and he didn’t feel the cold. He sat and rested along the wall back in his usual form, hands pausing at his pocket but he took a deep breath and pulled out the device, running his finger along the crack, he put it away not wanting to hear it but now the thought of it being broken tightened his chest. He placed it down in front of him and spoke the name, the sound echoing in the cave.  
  
“Tony?”

 

Three of the projector panels unfolded, the forth rose only slight and seemed to be stuck, when the image of Tony appeared, just as he had been, frozen in time, age no longer touching him, standing and proud. With the panel broken though there was now an area the blue light couldn’t touch. 

 

“Oh boy Lokes, that was a long nap for me.” The image of Tony stretched and yawned before spotting Loki properly and sitting down crossed legged, he looked like he was floating a few inches above the ground.  
  
“And here I though you didn’t like me anymore, how-… Loki? What happened to you… is that blood?”

 

he sounded concerned and Loki wanted to just believe it. If only for a moment. That he had care that he wasn’t losing himself to this unending grief and while he still felt terrible in every way possible the sound of Tony’s voice was something he wanted and didn’t grow repulsed from.

 

“I destroyed a city, your city, I killed and I never regretted it, I still don’t, even with the circumstances I was under. After all that you still took me as a lover, did you not think I was a monster? Did you just need a bigger monster to fight your own?” Loki asked sighing as he tilted his head back, closing his eyes but the blue glow still showed past his eye lids. He needed rest but he was curious right now, why shouldn’t he let the anger flow and make everything crumble in his wake.

 

“Loki… you’re not a monster, like you’re not good, I could never think that, no offence, and aside from the murder –but not forgetting it because dude it was mass murder- you are also a giant elitist asshole-” The AI replied and for that honestly Loki found himself giving a sharp laugh “But you understood me and you were trying to do better, you helped me save the day a few times, remember? Everyone was so surprised but you helped people and it even took effort some times. I was responsible for many deaths as well, plus I didn’t exactly have the cleanest slate or even a no kill rule for myself after I got rid of the guns… I also took into account that you were a _freaking god_ so nothing on your scale was done small but you helped people too… no, not a monster, just a… a god of chaos.”

 

Loki smiled despite himself, it was very much what he knew Tony would say but hearing it did help and he knew if he were to look Tony’s face would also be showing that cocky smile of his.

 

“And _you_ are a foolish mortal… were.” there was a small pause

 

“I hurt some people… so far no one has been able to best me in a fight, I could have destroyed them all -but I didn’t- but I came close.” He told the other, the AI had no reply yet, just wait for Loki to continue which he did. “No force on Earth could have stopped me, you were so fragile and short lived compared to me but I let you go out there alone because being ‘good’ wasn’t exactly my business. You would have hated me if I followed you around like a guard dog but right now I hate myself more… right now I believe I hate you as well.”

 

Loki’s next breath was shaky in his lungs but he had been fighting away from talking about this for too long.  “I want this to stop, I don’t want to feel like this, all those lives out there can nothing to me but you, you were like a blip on my life time but every time I think of you, look at you. All I can see is your cold still body and know that I couldn’t save you.” His hands tightened into fists where they were resting on his knees. “Now I have nowhere to go and your voice following me past the grave cannot save me either.”

 

Tony’s voice spoke up again. “Loki look at me.”  


For a moment, Loki wanted to ignore him but he gave in and opened his eyes, his gaze going through empty space which was supposed to show Tony’s leg and part of his torso. He honestly hated the colour blue now as well.

 

“You’re better when you’re not alone, I’m not –wasn’t, damn tenses are weird for me right now, Shakespeare- but you had more people than just me, go back, to Thor, Pep, Peter, RiRi… all of then, the whole extended Avengers… you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m only here for when or if you need me but you don’t need to be saved, Lokes, you just have to keep living. Please go back to them, don’t be alone like this.”  
Loki gave it some consideration but then shook his head.  
  
“No… not yet. Besides I’m not alone, after everything I still cannot seem to rid myself of your ghost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you Starkly for being a very encouraging beta for this fic

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going into just how Tony died, this isn't really his story, it's Loki's, shout out to my RP partner for Beta-ing me.


End file.
